Hi there, and welcome to apothegraphics. I’m a former witch learning to walk with Jesus, and this is where I share my story—how I’m embracing my identity in Christ, learning to be led by the Holy Spirit, and navigating spiritual warfare after leaving witchcraft. If you’re currently healing from a similar deception, I hope you find encouragement here.
I left witchcraft behind in September of 2023. While it was the best choice I could make for my long-term well-being, it was a rocky road getting here.
Now I had expected some fallout after accepting Jesus as my Lord and savior. You don’t just do a 180 on your entire moral outlook without everyone taking notice, especially in New Age circles. That was okay with me. I thought I’d endure a short period of mildly uncomfortable change, then things would be hunkier and dorier than ever.
I assumed that when the dust settled, my path ahead would be as plain as day and everything broken in me would be fixed.
That’s not how it happened.
My relationship in particular took a colossal hit. He was the one person I assumed I would keep, but he turned out to be the one who most needed to go. That completely blindsided me and I cried a lot. Ugly, snot-in-my-mouth, makeup-all-over-my pillow cried.
I was a wreck.
But as much as I wished it didn’t have to be this way, underneath all the agony, there was a still, small voice assuring me that it was for the best. I knew He was right. I knew it to my core.
Some days I resented that I knew it, but mostly…it was just a sad time. There was nothing for it but to walk through the grief and move on.
The trouble was that I couldn’t move on. I hit a wall.
Of course I liked the idea of God replacing what I lost with His good and perfect will—that was what kept my head above water. When I finally felt ready to reach for something other than a tissue box, however, I was assaulted with all the ways that could go wrong, and I spiraled into this debilitating doubt in my judgment.
I didn’t let myself dream or work toward goals because it was too risky. Ideas came, but I immediately disregarded them as bad because I had similar ideas as a witch. For example, I had wanted to blog for a long time, and plenty of non-witches blog, but I couldn’t reconcile anything I liked to do with Christianity.
I understand that doesn’t make any sense, but that’s the point. The fear I had about this was completely nonsensical and it crippled me.
I used magic for nearly everything in the past. So in my mind, now that I had renounced it, everything was off-limits. I didn’t know how to engage with the world without magic. Even praying for direction felt like dipping my toes back into the occult.
I didn’t trust my motives. I didn’t trust my instincts. I didn’t trust myself at all.
Thoughts like these lived rent-free in my head, and they were noisy tenants:
You used creativity and imagination as a witch, so you can’t use them now that you’re supposed to be different.
Maybe it wasn’t the Lord’s will for you to have nice things. Shouldn’t you just be grateful for what you already have, especially given how lost you’ve been? God doesn’t owe you anything.
Maybe you don’t have any good friends nearby because God is protecting them from you.
Even if God did want to bless you, could you even handle it properly? Or would you just screw it up like everything else? You’re not exactly known for your excellent decision-making.
Why aren’t you waiting for God’s perfect timing if you trust Him so much? Isn’t praying for a future just manifestation with better hair? Seems dangerously close to New Age thought for someone so redeemed.
I rapidly developed the delusional mentality that using my own free will would somehow ruin God’s plan for me. I already felt behind in life, and the fear of yet another critical error was hanging over my head like an anvil.
The safest thing to do was…absolutely nothing.
I stopped working toward anything outside of paying bills. I had already broken up with my boyfriend, so I wasn’t getting out much, but I also stopped drawing and quit martial arts. I went to church and took notes by myself, went to work, went home, ate my feelings (gained 30 lbs.), doom-scrolled, and passed out.
I mean, I was barely even clean half the time. I couldn’t get through a shower without sitting down. Shampooing my hair when my arms felt like lead took everything out of me, and it was all falling out from stress anyway so why bother?
I was unwell.
Did Jesus really save me? Is this what salvation’s supposed to be like?
When I was at my worst in witchcraft, I felt empty, aimless, abandoned, and expendable. (You can read more about that journey here.) Then I met Jesus and everything was different. I felt different when that happened. So why, if everything truly changed, did I feel exactly the same as before? Worse even, because now I felt guilty about it.
Maybe I had depression. Maybe I should see a therapist. I thought something was wrong with me when I did witchcraft too, maybe I didn’t catch that it was mental illness the whole time.
I struggled with this for nearly a year before I heard about spiritual warfare.
And I kick myself for not figuring this out sooner. It’s not like the concept was foreign to me. I already knew magic was a counterfeit of miracles. I already knew that there were evil spirits I need to protect myself from.
As a witch, I accessed the supernatural all the time, but I snuck in the back door and took what I wanted without permission. It was spiritual smuggling, and like any other crime, it came with consequences. Whatever my successes were, it was still a dangerous trade.
Now I had a lot of voices in my head making it difficult to discern the difference between occult supernatural and Biblical supernatural. And because I knew how easily I could slip up, I avoided supernatural altogether.
And that was completely intentional, demonic assault.
Remember when I said I was in the same limbo both before and after being saved? That’s because I still had the same demons. They had to adjust their tactics now that I knew about Jesus, but they were still there.
And they were pissed.
Remember “too risky”? Yeah, that’s a lie. Demons don’t want you to be saved, healed, or delivered. They hate you. They want you stagnant, impotent, and ignorant and they tell you lies to keep you stuck and silent. They will eat your destiny if you let them.
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy.
John 10:10
If they can’t coerce you to sin anymore, they will try to stop you from doing anything else to keep you out of the way. I was experiencing this firsthand, and as a result I wasn’t walking in my purpose. Over time, however, God showed me what I was missing so that I could fight back:
To sum it up: the Word is a weapon, not a wand.
Take…the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
Ephesians 6:17
Let me just say, if you’re in a similar cycle, this is what God taught me about slipping up:
It’s much easier to steer a ship that’s moving. I promise He will fill your sails and correct your course—but you have to lift anchor and move.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.
Proverbs 3:5-6
Walking in the authority of Christ is a completely different experience. I’m not a smuggler anymore; I’m a deputy, and Jesus is the sheriff. I act under His name in order to carry out His will, and His will is always good.
Behold, I have given you authority to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall hurt you.
Luke 10:19
Waving a magic wand lets you coast along the path of least resistance [click here], but Scripture isn’t a spell, and God’s promises aren’t cheat codes to bypass pain or manifest whatever you want [click here].
As I learned more, I also realized that many of us go through life completely oblivious to the fact that we were born into a war. Not only are we in a war—we live in enemy territory. That fact doesn’t change just because I’m tired or confused or having a weird quarter-life crisis.
In fact, that’s exactly why I’m tired and confused and going through a weird quarter-life crisis.
The war is on, and relinquishing my blood-bought authority to the enemy just because I was gun-shy was the real mistake.
For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.
Ephesians 6:12
Weapons require training, and the training is for participation in this war. Participation is the operative word.
Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace.
Ephesians 6:13–15
Paul repeats “stand” three times, but be careful not to confuse this with standing still. The Bible doesn’t tell us to freeze—it tells us to stand our ground. That means active resistance, not cowering in the face of opposition.
War isn’t pretty. It doesn’t wait for you to feel ready to fight, and burying your head in the sand won’t protect you. You might trip. You might fall. But falling forward in faith will still move you out of the line of fire. Don’t be like me—so afraid of messing up again that you spend your life watching everyone else live.
You don’t have to have it all figured out. You just have to move. God isn’t looking for perfection. He’s looking for surrender. He equips those who say yes, even when their voice shakes.
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
2 Corinthians 12:9
If you want to dive deeper into some of the scriptures that helped free me from demonic influence, you can read those [click here]. And if you’re curious about the books that helped me recover my footing and grow spiritually after leaving witchcraft, you’ll find that post [click here]. Isaiah Saldivar, the author of one of the books on this list, has also compiled a map of people who are willing and able to do deliverance near you.
You were never meant to fight this war in your own strength, but that doesn’t mean you get to sit it out. If you belong to Jesus, you’re equipped with a weapon, armor, and the authority to use them. So take a step in faith, however shaky, and He will meet you there.
And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.
Philippians 1:6
The content shared on apothegraphics.com and in “Spiritual Warfare After Witchcraft: Subtle Lies that Kept Me Stuck” is grounded in a personal faith journey out of the occult. I am not a licensed counselor, therapist, or spiritual advisor. Nothing I share here is intended to replace professional support, nor is it meant to condemn those who are still exploring. While my hope is to point others toward truth and healing in Christ, each reader is responsible for their own spiritual walk.
